Wednesday, June 8, 2011

One Possible Solution

Sorry guys. Even the tube worms must go.

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The alert reader may have noticed that the world is in a terrible state. Even a cursory review of the daily news is enough to trigger any number of latent emotional disorders- these are interesting times indeed.

Not good, just interesting.

Fascinating , disturbing and depressing.

Interesting.

I think that we should wait until the next giant meteor or Gamma Ray Burst wipes out all the life on Earth;but until that happens we should try not to destroy the planet , ourselves and each other- but noo....it's all war, bombs, disaster, human-on-human boomin', all the damn time. Mindless incomprehension would be fighting words, except no one understands the big words anymore , just the fighting caused by tiny minds using small words

So, if the powers that be must destroy the world, please let them make it as quick and painless as possible, because the idea of a long, drawn-out East-West WWIII followed by Apocalypse- ( natural, man-made or divine) - depresses the hell out of me.

I have a better plan.

Instead of an East vs. West conflict based on religious insanity, why not just shift the war to North vs. South and base it in on some other sort of insanity- one not involving religion- let's base our doomsday on equatorial physics. Thermonuclear equatorial physics, to be precise. That can be plenty insane in the right hands.

I'm sure you have heard how water in a swirling drain will circle in one direction in the Northern Hemisphere and in the opposite direction in the Southern- this makes everyone who lives South of the equator different from everyone who lives to the North of said dividing line.

Clockwise or counter-clockwise flushing? Well?

Certainly that is an irreconcilable difference worth dying for.

Why not fight about it? It makes as much sense as killing in the name of god who ostensibly endorses peace.

To really hasten the Eschaton, we can take all the nuclear weapons on the planet and divide them between North and South.

The bombs will then be moved to their respective owner's Pole , buried in the ice caps and detonated.

This should cover the planet with a roiling cloud of radioactive steam- and generate two enormous waves- one heading North and one heading South. If timed precisely, these waves can meet at the equator and finish WWIII forever.

The only witnesses might be a handful of astronauts.

Imagine watching the world go BOOM! from outer space.

You'd probably be too busy fighting with the guy from the Other Side over the last oxygen tank to notice that nobody won the last war.

Clockwise or counter-clockwise. You decide, we'll homicide.


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(satire!)